You just made me feel so damn special
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
