Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize