talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
