Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
