So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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