It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
