69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I enjoy the company of your penis
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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