There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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