You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
