you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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