At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
In America we eat man semen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
