I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
