Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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