I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
