i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
