After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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