I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
