Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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