i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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