WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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