He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize