dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
