I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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