dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
