lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
