Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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