it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Mom said you looked used
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
