Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
