i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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