So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
