ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
