I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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