If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
