I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
