i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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