"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize