I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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