The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
