just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize