At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
