Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
