You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
birth control should be required to get into college
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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