tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
