I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
