All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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