kristin has been a bad kristin
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
