i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
