Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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