hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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