Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
