Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
