you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
