Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
