my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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