I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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