can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
