is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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