you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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