I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we're so committed to being not committed
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