Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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