ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
