I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
