Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
