Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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