Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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