note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am available for nakedness
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
