I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
