I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
