the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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