I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
