Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
