mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize