I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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