Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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