Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
