I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
