You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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