awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
