i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
