Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize