does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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