Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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