3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
