So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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