Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
