I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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