Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
