A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
