it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just gargled with NyQuil
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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