Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Oops wrong number
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