i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
