Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
